In the
midst of a heart-stopping run of beautiful days -- true June blue -- we decide
to replace our decades-old television with a flat screen TV. Apparently our son
has been waiting for us to do this for years.
I will
thoughtfully omit the technical details of this operation because I don't understand them. Needless
to say, we would never have accomplished this transaction without our son's
assistance. And naturally, in the American consumer way, we had to convince
ourselves we were buying something new to save ourselves some money.
When the new device was up and running,we put the old TV out on the curb for the city garbage
pick-up, or anyone else so minded, to take it away. That was easier said than
done. Old TVs, that is to say all TVs before the beginning of the flat screen
era, are astonishingly heavy. It took both of us to carry it out the front door
and down the stairs without breaking anything else we owned or any part of us.
Once it hit the curb, we were never going to touch it again.
We put it
out on a Sunday. It was still there Wednesday morning when the garbage trucks
began rolling through the streets. Evidently the single object that no one in
Quincy can find a use for, even for parts, or for scrap, is a heavy old TV.
We have a
rich history of citizen-initiated curbstone recycling in this city. Any number
of ridiculous old objects, worn-out appliances, failed purchases are put out on the
street. And quickly disappear. Anne says, just put it out on the street. I say, no one will want it, the
garbage truck won't even take it. She wins; I drag it out. We turn out backs: gone.
Sometimes
the delivery man bringing something new takes away something something old completely
unrelated to his business. An over-sized barbecue grill went away like that. I think
the reason is they can't stand having an empty truck.... A year ago I lugged an
air conditioner, as old and heavy as you can imagine and even more junky, outdoors
on trash night and even before I put it down on the pavement a car had stopped
in the middle of the street and a man and women were getting out to pick up my
junk and make it their junk, for some obscure financial benefit.
"You
know it doesn't work," I said.
"We
still want it," the woman replied, in a reassuring tone.
But this
time was different. The TV sat there, an increasingly embarrassed expression
spreading over its empty screen in light of its conspicuous lack popularity with the city's junk
gleaners.
Then,
absurdly, Tuesday night, the night garbage goes out around here for the Wednesday
pickup, someone put an old, heavy, box TV on the curb of the opposite
side of the street directly across from ours. The two
discarded TVs, identical in size and shape, faced one another.
This could
only be explained to me as an episode in one of those "joke-on-the-unsuspecting-public" TV shows. The script writers set up some absurd, or physically
impossible, action/scene/phenomenon in a public place captured by a hidden
camera. You're waiting for a bus, say -- an ordinary, jaded, seen-it-all urban
dweller -- when the bench begins talking (or emitting rude noises). A balloon
follows a child down the street, repeatedly bumping him on the back of the head.
A clown jumps out of hiding and chases the ice-cream man into a fast-food joint
and all the counter help stops and stares while they have a food fight with
ketchup squeeze bottles. Meanwhile the hidden camera captures the spectators'
troubled reactions. The man at the bus stop pretends not to notice. A woman
double-takes and makes a face, unable to get over her ill-concealed shock --
why are the clown and the ice cream man having a food fight why she's trying to
drink her coffee? A young teenager rushes off to call 911.
So, as the
expression goes, I kept looking for the hidden camera.
But no, no
comic development takes place. Then I feared the next time I looked out the
window the number of TVs would have doubled again, old sets lined up in front
of every house on the street. I suspected the televisions might begin broadcasting
clashing TV programs at high volume. It would be as bad as an airport.
But
nothing. The two unwanted technically obsolete entertainment devices -- mere
carcasses of their former selves -- remained on opposite sides of the street,
awaiting their fate.
Then early
the next morning one, but not both, of the TVs was gone. I notice the absence
of the 'other' TV, the one across the street, before I've even had my coffee. Thank
goodness, I think, but when I look for ours, it's still there, distressingly
larger than life.
Now I'm sure it's a practical joke. Maybe I imagined the
whole thing: the old TVs are trying to drive us crazy. Eventually I realize
that quite a lot of garbage has been picked up on the opposite side of the
street, but rather less on our side.The tension builds during the afternoon:
are they still coming for us or is my useless consumer artifact being left
behind because I omitted some bureaucratic nicety?
Around four
thirty p.m. the recycling truck finally reaches our side of the street. I watch
as a sanitation engineer snaps the white elephant up like a pizza box and tosses it into what
appears to be a specially created basin for old TVs. It seems a lot of these
old entertainment units are hitting the street.
Is there
anything of value in an old TV? You can't prove it by me.